These signs have allegedly been spotted in public use. Perhaps
they weren't, but the play on words is very good!
If you like these, you will also like Hotel Signs.
|
Ben Nelson wrote: My grandma's apartment, has a sign on the emergency exit saying:
This door is not to be used for entering or exiting the building.
|
Sign in a London department store:
Bargain basement upstairs.
|
|
In an office:
Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please
bring it back or further steps will be taken.
|
In an office:
After tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand
upside down on the draining board.
|
|
English sign in a German cafe:
Mothers, please wash your hans before eating.
|
Outside a secondhand shop:
We exchange anything--bicycles, washing machines,
etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.
|
|
Sign outside a new town hall to be opened by the Prince of Wales:
The town hall is closed until opening. It will remain closed
after being opened. Open tomorrow.
|
Outside a photographer's studio:
Out to lunch: if not back by five,
out for dinner also.
|
Seen at the side of a Sussex road:
Slow cattle crossing, no overtaking
for the next 100 yrs.
|
Outside a disco:
Smart is the most exclusive disco in town, everyone
welcome.
|
Sign warning of quicksand:
Quicksand, any person passing this point
will be drowned, by order of the district council.
|
Notice sent to residents of a Wiltshire parish:
Due to increasing problems with the letter louts and vandals,
we must ask anyone with relatives buried in the graveyard to do
their best to keep them in order.
|
Notice in a dry cleaner's window:
Anyone leaving their garments here
for more than 30 days will be disposed of.
|
Sign on motorway garage:
Please do not smoke near our petrol pumps.
Your life may not be worth much but our petrol is.
|
Spotted in a safari park:
Elephants, please stay in your car.
|
Seen during a conference:
For anyone who has children and doesn't know
it, there is a day care on the first floor.
|
Notice in a field:
The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for
free, but the bull charges.
|
Message on a leaflet:
If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you
how to get lessons.
|
Sign on a repair shop door:
We can repair anything (Please knock hard
on the door, the bell doesn't work.)
|
Spotted in a toilet in a London office block:
Toilet out of order please
use floor below.
|
In a laundromat:
Automatic washing machines:
Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
|
Notice in health food shop window:
Closed due to illness.
|
On a septic tank truck sign:
We're #1 in the #2 business.
|
At a proctologist's door:
To expedite your visit please back in.
|
On a plumber's truck:
We repair what your husband fixed.
|
On a plumbers truck:
Don't sleep with a drip - call your plumber.
|
Pizza shop slogan:
7 days without pizza makes one weak.
|
On a maternity room door:
PUSH. PUSH. PUSH.
|
At an optometrist's office:
If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
|
On a taxidermist's window:
We really know our stuff.
|
In a podiatrist's office:
Time wounds all heels.
|
On a fence:
Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!
|
At a car dealership:
The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.
|
Outside a muffler shop:
No appointment necessary - we hear you coming.
|
In a veterinarian's waiting room:
Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!
|
At the electric company:
We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be.
|
In a restaurant window:
Don't stand there and be hungry. Come on in and get fed up.
|
In the front yard of a funeral home:
Drive carefully. We'd rather wait.
|
At a propane filling station:
Tank heaven for little grills.
|
Sign at a Chicago radiator shop:
Best place in town to take a leak.
|
The contents of this page have nothing to do with Mel Gibson's new (2002) movie "Signs".