Phrases You Wish You Could Say During Those Tense Staff Meetings.

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  1. Ahhh...I see the screw-up elf has visited you again.
  2. I don't know what your problem is but I'll bet it's Latin and very hard to pronounce.
  3. How about never? Is never good for you?
  4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
  5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
  6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
  7. You assign me one more action item and I'm going to show you why I play with those WWF figurines...
  8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
  9. It sounds like English but I can't understand a word you're saying.
  10. I can see your point but I still think you're full of *hit.
  11. I like you. You remind me of me when I was young and stupid.
  12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of colleagues.
  13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
  14. I'm visualizing placing duct tape over your mouth.
  15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
  16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
  17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
  18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
  19. What am I? Flypaper for Freaks?
  20. I'm not rude; you're just blatantly stupid.
  21. It's a thankless job but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
  22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan but my duties are largely ceremonial.
  23. You monotone-like speaking capabilities will make the pharmaceutical portion of this company rich.
  24. You sound intelligent... Time to up the medication.
  25. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
  26. And your cry-baby, whiny-butt opinion would be...?
  27. Do I look like a people person?
  28. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
  29. I don't care if you CAN prove your point through a dazzling presentation. You turn out the lights and I'll go to sleep.
  30. I really wish they wouldn't provide lunch during meetings. It just gives my manager more time to bs about things he has no clue over.
  31. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
  32. Errors have been made. You all will be blamed.
  33. You have a PBS mind in a MTV world.
  34. You are as endless and the Sahara Dessert and as bleak.
  35. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
  36. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup for you today.
  37. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
  38. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
  39. Imagine this; I will win and you will lose. Do we need to go on?
  40. I'd imagine you as a leader of men but then you don't want me laughing out loud during one of your speeches.
  41. Can I trade this job for what's behind door number 1?
  42. I see that this is the collection point for the freaks and weirdoes.
  43. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
  44. Ah... Chaos, panic, and disorder -- my work here is done.
  45. Let me place your face into the laser printer. It'll help with your memory and paper tray restocking.
  46. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted the paychecks.
  47. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
  48. Stay here and finish your debate while we go off and make this a productive meeting without you.
  49. You! Off my planet!
  50. Here's a flashlight so that you can pipe some light in to where your head is located.

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This page last updated 2002-07-27.