Phrases You Wish You Could Say During Those Tense Staff Meetings.
- Ahhh...I see the screw-up elf has visited you again.
- I don't know what your problem is but I'll bet it's Latin and
very hard to pronounce.
- How about never? Is never good for you?
- I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself
- I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to
- I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
- You assign me one more action item and I'm going to show
you why I play with those WWF figurines...
- I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
- It sounds like English but I can't understand a word you're saying.
- I can see your point but I still think you're full of *hit.
- I like you. You remind me of me when I was young and stupid.
- You are validating my inherent mistrust of colleagues.
- I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
- I'm visualizing placing duct tape over your mouth.
- I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
- Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique
point of view.
- The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an
- Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
- What am I? Flypaper for Freaks?
- I'm not rude; you're just blatantly stupid.
- It's a thankless job but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
- Yes, I am an agent of Satan but my duties are largely ceremonial.
- You monotone-like speaking capabilities will make the
pharmaceutical portion of this company rich.
- You sound intelligent... Time to up the medication.
- Who me? I just wander from room to room.
- And your cry-baby, whiny-butt opinion would be...?
- Do I look like a people person?
- This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
- I don't care if you CAN prove your point through a dazzling
presentation. You turn out the lights and I'll go to sleep.
- I really wish they wouldn't provide lunch during meetings. It
just gives my manager more time to bs about things he has
no clue over.
- Does your train of thought have a caboose?
- Errors have been made. You all will be blamed.
- You have a PBS mind in a MTV world.
- You are as endless and the Sahara Dessert and as bleak.
- Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
- Well, this day was a total waste of makeup for you today.
- Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
- I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
- Imagine this; I will win and you will lose. Do we need to go on?
- I'd imagine you as a leader of men but then you don't want me
laughing out loud during one of your speeches.
- Can I trade this job for what's behind door number 1?
- I see that this is the collection point for the freaks and weirdoes.
- Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
- Ah... Chaos, panic, and disorder -- my work here is done.
- Let me place your face into the laser printer. It'll help with
your memory and paper tray restocking.
- I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted the paychecks.
- If I throw a stick, will you leave?
- Stay here and finish your debate while we go off and make
this a productive meeting without you.
- You! Off my planet!
- Here's a flashlight so that you can pipe some light in to
where your head is located.
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This page last updated 2002-07-27.