Life's little ironies

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Love is grand;
divorce is a hundred grand.

Time may be a great healer,
but it's a lousy beautician.

Never be afraid to try something new.
Remember, amateurs built the Ark.    Professionals built the Titanic.

Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.

Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world.
A pessimist fears that this is true.

In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

I plan on living forever.
So far, so good.

If marriage were outlawed,
only outlaws would have in-laws.

It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time,
but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

Brain cells come and brain cells go,
but fat cells live forever.

Age doesn't always bring wisdom.
Sometimes age comes alone.

Life not only begins at forty,
it also begins to show.

You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
you grow old because you stopped laughing.