You know you are an Internet junkie if...
- You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your
e-mail on the way back to bed.
- You get a tatoo that reads "This body best viewed with Netscape
Navigator 1.1 or higher."
- You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.
- You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you
just pulled the plug on a loved one.
- You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and
your child in the overhead compartment.
- You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just
for the free Internet access.
- You laugh at people with 9600-baud modems.
- You start using smilies in your snail mail.
- Your hard drive crashes. You haven't logged in for two hours. You
start to twitch. You pick up the phone and manually dial your ISP's
access number. You try to hum to communicate with the modem...
And you succeed.
- You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a
- You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
- You start introducing yourself as "JohnDoe at AOL dot com.
- All of your friends have an @ in their names.
- Your cat has its own home page.
- You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.
- You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it
- Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
- You don't know what sex three of your closest friends are, because
they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
- You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you
- You tell the cab driver you live at
- You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
- You find yourself touching all underlined words on papers.
- You start conversations with your friends with "Robert (12.59 PM):".
- You spend your time creating stupid web pages like this one, out of silly e-mails...
#22, 23 Danke schön to Robert Balmer.
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This page last updated 2003-11-19.